Irene’s Jokes Part 6

Q: Why do leprechauns laugh when they run?
A: The grass tickles their balls.
Mandi Cat

Q: When is a door not a door?
A: When it’s ajar.
Ron Kimmons

Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
A: Frostbite
Marie Stallman

Q: Why do they only put 239 beans in Irish stew?
A: Because if you added one more is would be too farty.
Mila

A doctor gives a man six months to live.
Six months go by and the man hadn’t paid his bill.
The doctor gives him another six months.
Rabbi Avi

A mushroom walks in to a bar and sits down.
The bartender goes up to him and says,
“We don’t serve your kind around here.”
“Why not?” says the mushroom.
“I’m a fungi.”
Stefanie DeKese

An elderly man went to the doctor. His wife went with him.
The doctor asked the man:
“Do you have SEX?”
The man said, “Just a minute.”
He came back and said,
“No, my wife said we only have Medicare and Blue Cross.”
Joan Kimmons

A Police Officer was waiting along the side of a highway waiting to catch speeding drivers. There weren’t as many violators on this day as was usual. The officer sees an old car puttering along at 22mph. He thinks to himself:
“This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!”
The officer turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
As he approached the car, he noticed that there are five elderly ladies—two in the front seats and three in the back—eyes wide and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him:
“Officer, I don’t understand. I was doing the speed limit. What seems to be the problem?”
“Ma’am” the officer replies. “You weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other driver.”
“Slower than the speed limit? No Sir, I was doing the speed limit…22mph,” the old woman says proudly.
The officer, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that “22” was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
“Before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask…is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken, and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time.”
“Oh they will be alright in a minute officer. We just got off of Route 215.”
Jay Coster

I went to visit my old friend Olaf in the hospital. He was bandaged up from heat to toe, so I asked him, “What happened.”
He said, “ Well, my boss, the Ranch owner, told me he was leaving  for a few days on business. I was taking care of everything around the ranch for him. He told me to keep the house warm and take care of whatever his wife needed. That night his wife called me to come in her bedroom. She said she was cold, so I got her a warm blanket and put a log on the fire. A little later she called me again and said she was still cold. So I got her another blanket and put another log in the fire.  Yesterday, I was up on the roof and I happened to think about his wife being so cold, and it hit me. I realized what she really wanted and I fell off the roof.”
Maury Madau