Irene’s Jokes Part 5

Q: Why did the spider look on the computer?
A: He was looking for a new website.
Mandi Fremming

A couple married some 50 years were sitting at the breakfast table.
“Remember when we were young? We sat naked. I wonder if we would get
the same tingle now?” They did it and she said, “I’m getting a tingle.”
He said, “Marie, one breast is in your coffee, the other is in your oatmeal.”
Betty Cartlon

Q: Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
A: Because they taste funny.
“The Buzzsaw”

Q: Know how to catch a tame rabbit?
A: You ‘neak up on ‘im

Q: Know how to catch a unique rabbit?
A: Tame way!
Elaine Gilmartin

Q: When do you go on red and stop on green?
A: When eating a watermelon.
Linda Pelkey

Q: What did the skeleton say before he ate dinner?

A: Bone-appetite.
Anonymous
Q: What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?
A: I don’t know and I don’t care.

Two old men are sitting around a kitchen table discussing the problems of growing older.
“Yeah, the knees, the eyes, then the memory: they all start to go” says one old guy.
“Hey, I’ve been using a new medicine that’s just amazing for improving your memory.”
“Does it work?”
“Are you kidding? It’s like night and day. What a difference!”
“Well, what’s it called?”
“It’s…um…it’s…Wait! Wait! What’s the name of that sweet smelling flower with thorns?”
“You mean a rose?”
“Yeah, that’s it! Hey Rose, what’s the name of that medicine I’ve been taking?”
Kevin Culhane

Q: What do people in Ireland call deck chairs?
A: Paddy O’ Furniture.
John Hamilton
Q: Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
A: If it had four it would be a chicken sedan.

Q: What did the customer say when the copy machine was out of order?
A: No Copy Cats Today.

Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
A: Where’s my tractor.

Q: What did the Zen master say at the hot dog stand?
A: I’ll have one with everything.
Kevin Terpsma

A duck walks into the pharmacy.
He says, “give me some ChapStick and put it on my bill.”

Q: Why was six afraid of seven?
A: Because seven, eight, nine.
Taylor

Q: Why did the popcorn join the army?
A: He was a Kernal.
Noah Kramer

There were two muffins just chillin’ in the oven,
One muffin looks over and says, “Man, it’s hot in here!”
The other muffen then says “Oh my gosh! A talking muffin!”
Tim and Kati Case

Q: Why did the monster hug his girlfriend to death?
A: He had a crush on her.
Nalani

Q: Why did the cookie go to the door?
A: It felt crummy.
Theo and Deja

When we were camping last week at Seven Feathers RV Resort,
I saw a woman walking two adorable dogs. I asked the lady,
“Are your dogs siblings?”
“No, they’re long haired Chihuahuas.”
Neil Martin

Q: What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?
A: Dam
M. Mccallum

Q: H2O is inside a fire hydrant.
What is on the outside of a fire hydrant?
A: K9P
Lisa Spencer

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
A: Hell, if I know!
Mariah

Q: What do frogs wear in the summer?
A: open toad shoes
Rigel Cooke

Q: Why don’t dogs use the potty?
A: They can’t read magazines!
Zachary Baumstask

Did you hear about the toothless termite who walks into the saloon, sits down and asks:
“Where’s the bastender?”
Koahl Halliday

Q: Why do Italians not like Jehova’s Witnesses?
A: They don’t like ANY witnesses.
Ron Bloom

Q: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
A: Nacho cheese!
Holly Nunn

I’m in the snapdragon stage of life.
Part of me has snapped, and the rest is draggin’.
Nick Rowe