Betrayal: a broken promise, a shattered expectation, or a violation of trust. It’s one of life’s most painful experiences, and yet, 95% of us will face it at least once in our lives.
While most people associate betrayal with infidelity, it comes in countless forms. It could be a friend’s disloyalty, a boss breaking a promise, or even a life-altering health diagnosis. Betrayal isn’t always loud and obvious—it can sneak into our lives quietly, leaving deep wounds we often fail to recognize.
The effects of betrayal run deep. Emotionally, it can trigger anxiety, depression, and anger. Physically, it may manifest as pain, fatigue, or other stress-related symptoms. It shakes the foundation of trust, making it difficult to connect with others or even trust ourselves. Many people carry guilt or shame, believing they somehow invited the betrayal into their lives.
The trauma of betrayal can be disorienting, casting us into a period of uncertainty and transition. With every transition there is an ending, an in-between, and a new beginning. Who are we now that our trust has been broken? What does life look like after this breach? These are the questions betrayal forces us to confront while we live in the muck of the in-between time. And the answers often lead to transformation.
One client I worked with was convinced she had never been betrayed. As we discussed the ways betrayal can show up, she suddenly recalled an incident from 20 years earlier—her employer had broken a promise that changed the course of her life. She had buried the pain for decades, unaware of its lingering influence.
This is what makes betrayal so insidious. It often hides in plain sight, quietly shaping our choices and emotions. But if faced with courage, betrayal can also become a powerful catalyst for growth.
In my 30 years of counseling and coaching, I’ve seen people try to escape betrayal’s pain by distracting themselves or projecting blame onto others. While these strategies may offer temporary relief, they don’t heal the wounds. True healing begins when we stop running from the pain and start learning from it.
Betrayal offers an opportunity to rebuild—not just trust in others, but trust in ourselves. It teaches us to honor our worth, forgive our mistakes, and let go of resentment. It’s not an easy journey, but it’s one that can lead to a stronger, more resilient version of ourselves.
When we heal from betrayal, we don’t just heal ourselves. We create ripples of compassion and understanding that extend outward. Betrayal may break us, but in the breaking, it also offers the chance to heal and rebuild something stronger and more beautiful.
