Needs of the Other

I was tying the Xmas tree to my roof when a co worker of mine drove up and got out of her car. After the obligated pleasantries; she asked if she could help me tie the tree down. I said that I was fine and that the way I tie it; it would be quite easy to do alone. She said, but it might be easier to do with two people since I could throw the line to her over the tree.

I, once  again, declined her offer and jokingly explained that over the years I have watched the guys do it alone and quite securely. She finally relented and went on into the store. I have to add that during the time I was securing the tree, I received several inquiries as to whether it would hold and several looks of doubts. (Oh, the tree did make it safely to my home.) At the time, the moment had no significance. Afterwards, I started to think about that little exchange. A little over a year ago, this co-worker lost her 20 -something son to an accident. He was hit by a car while skateboarding and died; only a few blocks from where I live.

I realized that her offer was not just about wanting to help me, but to help herself connect to someone she knows, me; to a young man, like her son; to do some ritual during the holidays; perhaps as a remembered ritual she may have shared with her son; with someone who was in close proximity to the last place her son was alive. And perhaps even more connections that I’m unaware of.  I felt awful; as I still do ,a little, even now, that I did see that the moment was not so much about me doing this task by myself, for myself; but was more about doing something for her. It just reminded me that sometimes the need of the other; even unknown to us, is greater than our own needs. And that often it does not matter if we know what that need is; simply that there is a need that should be honored, when possible; especially when it cost us so little. This “giving action” is at the essence of Taoist thought; I think.


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I am artist of life, believing that the greatest contribution one could make to this world is to create one's own fully realized life. I'm a fairly easy person to get along with. I think of myself as pretty open to people and new experiences. I try to always look into myself; improve myself; find the best spiritually healthy choices. I believe that change is inevitable and I try to always be aware of the need to change. I want time to see how we do together; how we handle joy, sadness, forgiving or being forgiving, whether we really like each other as people. I'm attracted to intelligence; not just book smart, but also life smart. Someone whose soul is mostly calm; who can laugh at themselves and the world sometimes. A women whose comfortable with a man who needs to cry on her shoulder sometimes and can trust that I can be strong for her when the time arises. I look for adaptability in partners, their ability to sometimes go with the flow. I like to have things organized, but that doesn't have to be you; just as long as you remember not to turn off the alarm setting to get me up. Our initially contact is only the beginning of discovery; revealing, exciting, and fulfilling experiences one moment at a time. My religion: I was raised Baptist. During my life I have visited many spiritual places and have found them all to contain elements of reverence. I respect any spiritual journey; be it at church; in flower arrangement; on the golf course or in a forest clearing My education: I attended Middlebury College where I received a BA in Theater and a BA in Psychology after which I got my MFA in Acting at the Yale School of Drama . Humanity has been my greatest teacher, bringing to practice what I learn in theory. Favorite hot spots: Our local coffee shops. Some of my favorite places include New York, Paris, Vienna, Hawaii, Mexico, the Oregon Coast, and San Fran. I want to return to Europe and someday travel to Africa. I'd love to play golf in Scotland someday; see London Theater Favorite things: Smell after it rains; sunrise; sunsets at the coast; the sound of waves crashing; the flight of a well struck golf ball; soft tones of a lover; moments that move me to the soul; a problem solved; a moment of self-discovery; love Last read: Lots of plays; metaphysical books; science; some sci-fi; Tony Hillerman novels; anything that interest me at the moment, especially books that contain some mystic element, witty books with a tinge of angst
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