Most of my clients are in-person, but there are a handful whom I meet on Zoom. One such person is a 16 year old girl: social, sensitive, and caring. She likes parties, lives with her mom and step-dad, and recently learned to drive, loving the new freedom that comes with it.
I’ve been seeing her regularly since she was 13. We have a sweet rapport. School is a recurring theme in our check-ins. She explains how she needs to wall off her feelings as she walks down the hall… All day, a bit out of touch with what’s going on inside herself. From social interactions to mounting pressures with school work, she navigates the day by staying on the surface in order to cope.
She’s not unlike many teenagers in high school… managing her world by numbing out.
I get on the call with her. We talk about what’s happening… the drama… her family… her car that she backed into a rock and now is dented. Then, I begin to explore this with her. Just an initial question to see if it lands and gets any traction.
“So, how would you say you are feeling in this moment?”
“I don’t know, Kelly.”
This is the first layer. I know she’ll find her deeper truth with a little patience and inquire. I trust her knowing.
“Want to explore this a little further?”
“Sure,” she responds.
“Close your eyes… drop down out of your head… breathe slow for a few breaths.”
I wait.
“Turn your attention to your chest. What sensation do you notice?’
“It’s tight.”
“If it had an emotion attached to it, what would it be?”
Silence… I wait some more.
“I guess I’m sad.”
We find the entry point and stay with the feeling for a bit. I give her room to sit with the questions. She slows down enough to feel into herself and then has the following realization.
“I’m always with friends or at school. I think I need more time to myself.”
“Wow! Yes… that totally makes sense to me! You are a person that needs alone time to tap into yourself. What’s something you can do this week that will support you in that?”
She comes up with a plan, and we commit to check in about it the following week.
It is essential that she knows she can navigate her world and has the answers inside of her. I’m the coach. I believe in her and she knows it. In a sense, I help with the wind at her back so she can step into her world with more confidence and ease.
